Executive Summary: I have been offered a two-yearassignment with LARGE INTERNET RETAILER in Luxembourg. AlessandraSusana Brescia Aicardi and I will be heading that wayin the next few months.
Long rambling version:
Beloved friends,
As 2004 came to a close, I made two solemn resolutionsto guide me in the coming year. First, I resolved tolose some weight. As the classic line says, fat dumband stupid is no way to go through life.
Second, I resolved to settle dowm and stay put in oneplace for a while. Create some calm and cohesion,that was the ticket. Well, if you read the executivesummary, you know that I am not keeping my resolutionsthis year.
I have been offered a role running a LARGE INTERNETRETAILER's affiliate marketingprogram in Europe. The program is anaffiliate marketing program whereby other websites putlinks to LARGE INTERNET RETAILER and/or LARGEINTERNET RETAILER products. When websurfers click through these links and buy something onour site, we pay a fee to the referring site. Its bigbusinesss and a significant portion of LARGE INTERNETRETAILER's traffic.
The job is based in Luxembourg. Myteam includes a guy in the UK, 2 in Germany, one inFrance and finance support to be hired intoLuxembourg. The goal is simple, profitably grow thetraffic sourced through the affiliate program in Europe. It has all the basics of a great role - lots of exposure,high expectations, international assignment, house onfire, etc, etc.I am still waiting to find out how bad a relocationdeal LARGE INTERNET RETAILER is going to offer me:)Having said that, I am going to take the job and I expect to be inLuxembourg by April.
To fill you in on the details, I have created a FAQ(frequently asked questions). I apologize in advancefor the vulgarity, but several are exact quotes.
1) Didn't anyone f*cking realize that you are notremotely qualified for the job?Well, I am sure that someone realized it, but notenough people realized it. Its important tounderstand that in any group at LARGE INTERNETRETAILER of more than 5 people at least one thinksyou are an idiot. Since I was interviewed by 7 people,someone realized the truth.Having said that, going after jobs for which you arequalified is sort of like dating a woman in yourleague. You can do it, but I wouldn't advise it.
2)No seriously, what the hell happened?Not sure. I suckered some poor friend of mine in totaking my aweful job and I became a free agent. Thissame friend, who in the fullness of time will notlikely remain my friend, then refered me to the hiringmanager for this position. A week later, I have anoffer. Obviously, I am trying to get all the dealssorted before everyone starts to sober up.
3) Why Luxembourg?Luxembourg is the new LARGE INTERNET RETAILER EU headquarters. ByEuropean standards it is a "tax haven" which meansthat the VAT is less than 80% and the personal incometax tops out at 90%.
4) Where is Luxembourg?Not sure really. Its about the size of my living roomand I think it is sandwiched lovingly between Germanyand France. If you get drunk and go for a walk, Ithink you have a reasonable chance of ending up in oneof five countries.
5) What does Ale think about all this?I should have put this question closer to the top.Long story short, she is excited. As she puts it, shewas ready for an adventure in the US with me and nowshe is ready for an adventure in the EU . . . and Ithink she is happy that she will get a chance to learnFrench.Btw, I should give a brief summary of Ale's adventureto date in Seattle. The biggest news is that I thinkshe has befriended half this town. She knows all theshop keepers up and down our street and isparticularly close to all the baristas. I will haveto explain to all of you someday how Ale orders hercofee . . . but there just isn't time. Put quickly,it takes about 2 minutes to get the order out. Oh,and she came home one day to tell me that she had acoffee date for the following day with a middle-agedmidget psychologist. (I was speechless . . . and I amrarely speechless)
6) What are you plans for Europe?The list is long and growing; view a mountain stage ofthe tour de france, go to Octoberfest, see Rome, takethe entire summer off, go to La Tomatina, view aSix-Nations rugby match, eat in lots of bistros, learna little French and German.In addition to the above, Ale wants to "eskee in thealps."
7) If your team ever flew on a plane together,wouldn't it sound like a joke I knew in 4th grade?Yes, it would actially. I loved every joke thatstarted with; "An American, a brit, a German and aFrenchman" . . . . I was clearly hired, in part, formy cultural sensitivity.
8) Can I come for a visit?Absolutely. I ask for at least 2 hours notice. Iwant to make sure we have a bottle of wine on hand. Iobviously have no contact info yet, but can always bereached at this email address.
9) Wait, how did you get this f*cking job again?I stumbled ass-backward in to it. It is better to belucky than good.I hope this post finds you well.Chuckps - No, I haven't lost any weight either.
pps - The subject line are lyrics from a song. Idon't refer to myself as Poppa . . . I promise.
No comments:
Post a Comment