French is hard

Having recently arrived in Luxembourg, we have now transitioned from being basically lost in German to being lost in French. I want everyone to know that we made the transition seemlessly.

I present a few examples of our early success:

Example 1 - In our first dinner in town, Ale ordered horse. I am disappointed to report that the waiter made her aware of her mistake and she quickly changed her order. Too bad, I understand it tastes like chicken.

Example 2 - We joined a gym on day 2 in town. As with joining a gym in the US, we were asked on the membership form where we had heard about the gym. As soon as Ale handed the form to the woman who was to enter our info, the woman burst into laughter. When I asked what was so funny, the guy behind the counter (who was now in histerics) made a strange motion and said that Ale had written something that, in French, sounds a lot like "the warm up." I stared at him not understanding. In my best French, I said "huh?" He explained further (with more odd gesturing) "the before period, the warm up, the entrance." At this point, Ale and I concluded they were nuts, laughed politely and left.

About 20 minutes later it came to me . . . he had meant "foreplay." She had learned about the gym during foreplay.

So you are probably wondering, why there are no examples of my French mistakes. After all, I have inadvertent language-driven comedy in my genes (sorry dad). Truth be told, I mostly avoid it. I find that speaking English and/or asking Ale to order for me works just fine. As with all things, this is going to come to an end. Ale has picked up on my little scheme and has threatened to only order me spinach and anchovy salad until I start speaking French for myself.

So despite my avoidance, I have had one encounter so far in Lux. Sitting at a cafe last weekend, I wanted a red wine. After Ale ordered her Campari and refused to help me, I said "Von Roosh, si vu play."

Now, the waiter looked at me with such utter distain that I was almost shocked speechless. He shook his head signifying lack of comprehension. I tried again. Again he shook his head. At this point, I actually started to get a little annoyed because I was CONVINCED he understood me and was just fucking with me. Luxembourgish waiters don't work for tips so this was how he got joy out of work. I tried again, nothing . . . at this point, Ale stepped in and said . . . I swear to god . . . "Von Roosh, si vu play."

"Wee madam" and he was off. It took me 10 minutes to get my blood pressure under 300 over 200. (combination of his attittude and making me wait for a drink:)

Oh . . . but when I asked for the check he understood me perfectly. (Ladision si vu play)